and that had translated into the need for perfection.
And that wasn’t the lesson.
I trust my friends that if I were digging myself into a hole, then they would grab another shovel and chuck it at my head while yelling,
"What the heck is wrong with you!?"
It’s not that I don’t like people.
It’s just that if I was given the choice to meet new people
or hang out with my people;
it’s a no brainer.
You can be happy with other people around.
But don’t build your life in such a way
that you’re unhappy without them.
Had a dream last night where I was on a ship arguing with the captain.
“Is this going to be a problem?
Because if it is, then I’ll get off at the next port and only the seas will bring us together again.”
And I woke up thinking, oh, damn… and I wrote it down.
It’s hard to change your mind.
You say, “I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.”
You can say that all you want,
but you’re just deluding yourself.
So try this,
“I care, and this is making me unhappy.
So, I’m going to ( insert action here ).”
Acknowledge that you care.
Acknowledge your feelings.
Give yourself a fighting chance.
As a child, I was quiet because I was a nervous little wreck. I wanted to grow up and live with quiet dignity. The more I learn about myself though, the more that I think that I was always meant to be a brash and loud motherfucker. Dignity has been replaced with integrity, and I can be as loud as I want and still live with it.
I’ve been waiting.
I’ve been waiting for my life to settle;
a grain of sand.
It’s needed to settle.
The kind of pain that sits down at your table and is there to stay.
Flow right through me
like a wave.
you cannot stay.
Slippery slope when we say,
I want. I want. I want.
When we already
have and have and have.
What someone sees as childish behavior, I see as reclaiming a behavior that I gave up too early and then later regretted. It’s all perspective, and my perspective matters most when it comes to my own life.