One of the hardest lessons I ever had to learn.
You want someone to save you?
Get up and save yourself.
I had wanted to do a good job
and that had translated into the need for perfection.
And that wasn’t the lesson.
I trust my friends that if I were digging myself into a hole, then they would grab another shovel and chuck it at my head while yelling,
"What the heck is wrong with you!?"
It’s not that I don’t like people.
It’s just that if I was given the choice to meet new people
or hang out with my people;
it’s a no brainer.
You can be happy with other people around.
But don’t build your life in such a way
that you’re unhappy without them.
Had a dream last night where I was on a ship arguing with the captain.
“Is this going to be a problem?
Because if it is, then I’ll get off at the next port and only the seas will bring us together again.”
And I woke up thinking, oh, damn… and I wrote it down.
It’s hard to change your mind.
You say, “I don’t care. I don’t care. I don’t care.”
You can say that all you want,
but you’re just deluding yourself.
So try this,
“I care, and this is making me unhappy.
So, I’m going to ( insert action here ).”
Acknowledge that you care.
Acknowledge your feelings.
Give yourself a fighting chance.
As a child, I was quiet because I was a nervous little wreck. I wanted to grow up and live with quiet dignity. The more I learn about myself though, the more that I think that I was always meant to be a brash and loud motherfucker. Dignity has been replaced with integrity, and I can be as loud as I want and still live with it.
I’ve been waiting.
I’ve been waiting for my life to settle;
a grain of sand.
It’s needed to settle.
The kind of pain that sits down at your table and is there to stay.
Flow right through me
like a wave.
you cannot stay.
Slippery slope when we say,
I want. I want. I want.
When we already
have and have and have.
What someone sees as childish behavior, I see as reclaiming a behavior that I gave up too early and then later regretted. It’s all perspective, and my perspective matters most when it comes to my own life.
Why does the color of my hair offend
your delicate sensibilities and condemn
me to your small-eyed scrutinizes
I can be the stone and carry it like a feather.