I'm Still Standing

Okay, so I’m 32 years old now. I really did tear myself apart. It wasn’t all that violent. I just needed to really look at myself. So I took myself apart and studied all the little nuances that were me. I dropped the pieces that I didn’t like. I dropped whole principles that didn’t suit me anymore. I found ideals that I thought were mine but on closer examination belonged to other people. So I dropped those too. I built a foundation out of my strongest convictions. They’re not complicated. 

 

I try to be kind but if that’s not possible, I’ll settle on not being a complete dick. I’ve slowly built myself up from that. And here’s the thing, I’m not finished. I’ll pick up a habit, a tendency, and wear it around like a new hat and more often than not, I’ll place it back down again. It’s fun and I like it. I can change and grow as many times as I fancy. I forgive my mistakes even as I study what prompted me to make them. The culprits are usually low self-esteem and pride; the little shits.

 

And here’s the whole point to all of this, I want you to realize that it doesn’t have to be this way. Whatever is hurting you. Whatever is making you unhappy. It doesn’t have to be this way. The light bulb needs to turn on. I want you to have that realization because when you do, then you can start to leave all that shit behind you in the dust. And that’s where it belongs. We tend to hold on to things long past their life expectancy. It’s okay to let them go. Set them down and pick something else up. Try new things and keep doing that until something settles and the walls of your world feel more like a sanctuary instead of a prison. 

 

And always remember; be kind. 

© 2019 by S.E. CRAWFORD