There was a lunar eclipse towards the end of 2020. I heard that this is a great time to check in with oneself. So I did. I sat down and asked myself the big questions. Then I went to bed and hoped for answers.
I got them.
I dreamt that I was wearing a suit and attending my first day of college. I walked into my classroom late and the professor was already explaining how to gain a platform on social media. I stopped dead in my tracks and then left the room.
That wasn't something I wanted.
I walked through the hallways and came across art; all kinds of it. There were abstract sculptures, paintings, and pages hung from the ceiling. I meandered around and was filled with such a wistful want.
I wanted that.
I had my answer then. I left my social media accounts with nothing but a sigh of relief. I had been trying to play the social media game even when I didn't want to play.
I taught myself a new skill; wood turning. It allows me to settle into a peaceful mindset. It's just me and that piece of wood. We're playing. No rules or expectations. And when I'm able to let go, pure creation flows.
If you're trying hard then you're in your own way.
There's a block. Don't try harder. Understand the block.
It can be called many things.
It can be summed up to one word;
-of disappointing others
-of disappointing yourself
And so on into ad nauseam.
Figure out your blocks and then flow around them.
You can't flow around them until you know what you've been fighting against.
So look your ugly in the face and realize that it isn't so ugly after all. Most likely you'll find pain. It might be wearing a different face; passion, hate, anger, vanity, drive, mistrust, anxiety, pride.
And fear is the root of all pain.
So the real question is-
What are you truly afraid of?