I grew up with the sure belief that there was only one way to do things.
Making your bed- right way; wrong way.
Going to school- right way; wrong way.
Being a person- right way; wrong way.
Living your life- right way; wrong way.
That was all there was to me. I was either right or wrong; good or bad.
And let’s be honest, I was usually feeling like I was bad and trying so desperately to be good instead.
I was like that for more years than I care to admit to. I didn’t even think to question it. It was one of my ultimate truths that I had built my life around.
I had built myself into an equation that I could never solve.
And in my mind it seemed so simple: 1+1= 2.
And I was so angry that I couldn’t complete it.
1+1= 2.
The more I tried, the more complicated my life became.
Eventually, my simple way of thinking turned into a hellfire of
-if this then that.
-if that then this
-if doing that doesn’t work do this.
X + Y = 2
But X was an emotional disaster trying to be reasonable and Y was a meticulous tyrant trying to be kind.
And I was drowning in the sea of it, while all the while I kept repeating:
1 + 1 = 2
1 + 1 = 2
1 + 1 = 2
And I hated that ouroboros symbol most of all.
It kept circling back into my life and everyone kept saying that it was a symbol that represents infinity, eternity and oneness.
And I couldn’t see it; the beauty that everyone said was there.
All I saw was a snake killing itself; slowly, methodically and inevitably.
1 + 1 = 2