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  • Writer's picturethesecrawford

Make Your Own Way

Updated: Apr 6, 2019

I grew up with the sure belief that there was only one way to do things.

Making your bed- right way; wrong way.

Going to school- right way; wrong way.

Being a person- right way; wrong way.

Living your life- right way; wrong way.

That was all there was to me. I was either right or wrong; good or bad.

And let’s be honest, I was usually feeling like I was bad and trying so desperately to be good instead.

I was like that for more years than I care to admit to. I didn’t even think to question it. It was one of my ultimate truths that I had built my life around.

I had built myself into an equation that I could never solve.

And in my mind it seemed so simple: 1+1= 2.

And I was so angry that I couldn’t complete it.

1+1= 2.

The more I tried, the more complicated my life became.

Eventually, my simple way of thinking turned into a hellfire of

-if this then that.

-if that then this

-if doing that doesn’t work do this.

X + Y = 2

But X was an emotional disaster trying to be reasonable and Y was a meticulous tyrant trying to be kind.

And I was drowning in the sea of it, while all the while I kept repeating:

1 + 1 = 2

1 + 1 = 2

1 + 1 = 2

And I hated that ouroboros symbol most of all.

It kept circling back into my life and everyone kept saying that it was a symbol that represents infinity, eternity and oneness.

And I couldn’t see it; the beauty that everyone said was there.

All I saw was a snake killing itself; slowly, methodically and inevitably.

1 + 1 = 2

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